you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
