honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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