so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
