I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
