why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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