you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
