shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
