Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
