Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
