dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
