not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
