Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
