Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way

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(609): View more from New Jersey

That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets

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(631): View more from New York

we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"

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(719): View more from Colorado

the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.

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(415): View more from California

Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.

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