I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ttyl tear gas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
