it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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