I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
