I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
