U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
