I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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