I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have fence marks all over my body
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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