you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
