when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
