what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
