I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
