Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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