the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i will never coherently bang her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
