party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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