Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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