nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
