i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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