Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was like getting head from an anaconda
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
