Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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