well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
