Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
