Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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