Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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