my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
