I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
