Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
