Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are we still banned from the library?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
