i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
