I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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