I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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