the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
