Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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