This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
