Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
