Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
