if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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