Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
