There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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