Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
