I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
