My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
